Get Inside My Head

I literally have no words to describe the experience I had last night (no, no you sick bastards...I went to a CONCERT). matchbox twenty and Sugar Ray at the HP Pavilion in San Jose. Holy. Fucking. Shit. Suffice to say that, if this ends up having been the last concert I will ever attend, I'll have no regrets, because I don't think it would be possible to top that. Visualize: the last song of the night is "Push", my favorite song of all time, being played by my favorite band in the universe while I watch from fucking 17th row FLOOR SEATS--the best seats I have EVER had at a concert (oh. my. GOD. people. I could SEE their facial expressions...it was unreal). Suddenly, I arrived at an understanding of how some people could cry at concerts...when the first chords of "Push" played, I almost teared up, so religious is the experience of that song for me. Oh, OH. And get this: when the boys came out for the encore, they covered "In Da Club". !!!!!!!!!!! This is why they are the GREATEST band in existence. They also played a massive 2 hour set that included all of the songs from MTYTYA (even the bonus track, "So Sad, So Lonely", which they did during the encore); a cover of Tears for Fears' "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"; "Mad Season", "Bent", and "If You're Gone" from Mad Season; and "Real World", "3 am", "Long Day", "Back 2 Good", and "Push" from YOSLY. And. I. Had. FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOR seats.



And now, back to reality. And my take-home final. Weeee!

posted by Dr. Nowhere 6/08/2003 02:45:00 PM

"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." What the hell kind of phrase is that? Who came up with this meaningless drivel? (Actually, I believe Harry Truman came up with that "meaningless drivel". No offense to the man.) Particularly if you take its meaning literally and are currently dying in the 2000 degree weather. Hard to get out of "the kitchen" when "the kitchen" is the entire goddamn state of California, now isn't it? And please. No scathing remarks from those of you who reside in the South, Death Valley, the Sahara, or the Ninth Circle of Hell. I am aware that there are places in which a dry 85 degree heat would be considered a welcome reprieve from the norm and that there are far worse fates imaginable than being uncomfortably warm, but, unfortunately, I'm a wussy Oregon girl who likes her weather mild and her room air-conditioned whenever the mercury hits 80. I don't appreciate waking up in the morning to find my blanket stickily plastered to me (yes, delightful image, I know) and a likewise unremovable, suffocating blanket of warm air threatening to pin me to my bed (ooh, didja see what I did there? I took the word "blanket" and then I used it a second time metaphorically...okay, fine, you're right, it's kind of lame. Throw me a bone, here, my brain cells are shriveling from the heat. In this deranged state, I thought it was pretty clever.) Of course, I could probably solve this problem by getting up earlier than 2 p.m., a.k.a. the hottest time of the day, but why should I have to sacrifice my lifestyle for the goddamn sun? Whyeeeeeee? I refuse to let the weather win!! I will fight you to the end, merciless thermal oppressor...viva la revolucion!!!

posted by Dr. Nowhere 5/28/2003 03:56:00 PM

They said it was impossible. They said it couldn't be done. They said... okay, no, they didn't. But dammit, it was still hard. Anyway, many sleepless nights, 290358098592 rounds of Ballmaster, 90935805021850912850928095125 cans of Diet Coke with Lemon, and 6 aneurysms later, El Thesissimo has been CONQUERED. I spit on you, O despicable tormentor of my existence. Ptooie!

Forgive me. I think my thesis has eaten my brain.

posted by Dr. Nowhere 5/27/2003 03:23:00 AM

Procrastination in re: El Thesissimo continues...


Rohirrim


To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fascinating.

posted by Dr. Nowhere 5/17/2003 02:29:00 PM

I love Tim Duncan. LOVE. I LOVE TIM DUNCAN.

Attention Lakers: EAT. IT.

ahahahahaha. hahahahhahahahahhaa. AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

::insert 20 minutes of smug giggling here::

oh, man. possibly the greatest day in recent NBA history... the spurs are such an excellent team. especially the play of duncan--amazing. the man is flawless. and also hilarious. from a piece he wrote, psychoanalyzing himself:

"In fact, it’s this "different" nature that will probably fuel my next endeavor, a clothing line bearing a new style for the new millenium. It’s called Ultimate Rejects wear. Back at Wake Forest, I had a penchant (and still do to this day) of cutting off the sleeves of all my T-shirts and wearing my shorts backwards. I guess I’ve always wanted to be an original. One of my former coaches in college, Jerry Wainwright, came up with the name. One day at Wake, we were just messing around, cutting my sleeves off everything when he came up with this brilliant idea. He thought we should start a line of clothes where you don’t really know what you’re gonna get when you buy it. You know a clothing line with surprise blemishes. You might, for instance, buy a pair of pants, and have one long leg and one short leg. Or you might buy another pair that turned pink after you washed it one time. Perhaps another time, you would notice nothing wrong with your pants until you took them off and discovered it dyed your skin purple.

We will have Ultimate Rejects wear in finer clothing stores any day now. We’re still waiting for a patent to come through on our SuperShrinker solution that will actually shrink the clothes down eight sizes so that you’re only able to wear them once. It might not be user-friendly, but at least it’ll keep you coming back for more."

hee. more at Tim Duncan Online.

in other news. kings are looking like they can't buy a basket... 0 of 8 FG shooting in the first 4 minutes...horrendous. looks like it'll be an all-texas western conference final this year. my money is on the spurs to win it all (yay, smitty gets a ring!). i was really hoping that the kings would get that well-deserved championship, but i guess webber's injury just shat all over that notion. oh well. still, much love to my boy peja stojakovich. there's always next season.

posted by Dr. Nowhere 5/15/2003 08:03:00 PM

B (1:30:55 AM): hes so cute. too bad he's short.
C (1:31:03 AM): how short?
B (1:31:10 AM): oh like prohibitively so.


Hee.

posted by Dr. Nowhere 5/14/2003 01:38:00 AM

We Love Daniel J. Blau

Or, A Discourse on the Incompatibility of "Funny", "Straight", and "Male"

1. Snarkiness is the ne plus ultra of funniness
   
2. Funniness makes one hot
   
3. Straight men are incapable of snarkiness
   
4. Gay men are hot
   
5. THIS SUCKS.
   

C (1:45:31 AM): [Meanwhile, the plum spot next to Trista is occupied by Jeff, who sits silently several inches outside the valence of her personal space, staring longingly and unceasingly into a drink featuring an emasculating stalk of celery and thinking, "Trista won't look at me, so I'm cheating on her with this roughage." You show her, big guy...]

C (1:45:35 AM): [They laugh about the possibility that Charlie could set off an airport metal detector because of a spike or plate or something in his arm, and Jeff attempts to hitch onto the back end of the laugh by making a beeping, metal detector-y sound because...well, look what a chick magnet that funny sound-effects guy in Police Academy IV was. That's totally Jeff's favorite movie of all time. Though I hear from the gossip rags that Roughage prefers the follow-up Citizens on Patrol effort. But really, what relationship is perfect? Hey, onomatopoeia dude? What's the sound of one Jeff losing?]

C (1:45:39 AM):[On the way back, Trista spends some alone time with Charlie in the back of the Man Van and tells him she was most attracted to him straightaway. And you've got to give him credit, he gives her some space when she asks for it and gets out of her way. In contrast, back in Encino, Russ cleverly purchases a Tiffany Crisper and steals from Jeff the only roughage who he'd ever really loved.]

B (1:46:38 AM): ah, daniel.

B (1:46:52 AM): he kind of also reminds me of daniel *****

B (1:47:04 AM): who is straight! which must mean he is not funny.

C (1:47:47 AM): boo. sad. man, too bad dan ****** had to go and ruin the name daniel for me

C (1:48:04 AM): wow. dan ****** is so gay. yet SO unfunny.

B (1:48:22 AM): nod.

C (1:48:27 AM): laugh.

C (1:48:48 AM): heaving with giant spasms of silent laughter.

B (1:48:53 AM): well I consider Daniel to be different than Dan.

B (1:49:01 AM): also, Danny.

C (1:49:36 AM): ah, i forgot about danny. i associate daniel with dan ******, but definitely not danny. i'll have to start calling djb danny.

C (1:49:41 AM): as though i knew him.

C (1:55:00 AM): [The next thing he does that I hate is to tell her, "I'm the most genuine, caring person," because clearly the best way to prove to someone that you are genuine and caring is to explicitly state it. As if his merely saying, "I do not have greasy, combination skin" will deter the team of Bush administration officials from abandoning their efforts in the Arctic to instead investigate new sources of oil by drilling on the seemingly plentiful reserves of Russ's face.]

B (1:55:27 AM): ah the brilliance pains me.

C (1:55:46 AM): me as well...but the gayness pains me more

B (1:55:53 AM): truth.

B (2:06:51 AM): writing one TWoP recap is probably a billion times harder than writing my thesis.

C (2:07:59 AM): unless you happen to be one daniel j. blau and you have funny coming out the ass

B (2:08:31 AM): i wonder if people that funny think that they themselves are funny.

B (2:08:46 AM): and i imagine to be that funny, you must have funny thoughts all the time

B (2:08:51 AM): and if so, do you laugh when you have them?

B (2:08:58 AM): and if so, does this mean you are constantly laughing?

C (2:09:39 AM): hmm...but that would make you uncool, and thus, unfunny...it's a paradox!

C (2:10:21 AM): [And did I miss the memo that The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All is the actual title of the show now? Why is this the first time we're privy to a descriptive sentence letting us know the thesis statement of the episode before it even starts? How come the past weeks weren't tagged with helpful openings like "Welcome to The Bachelorette: Greg Lives In A Broken-Down Shanty on the Outer Valence of Coolsville" or
"Welcome to The Bachelorette: Ryan Wears a Really, Really, Really Gay Hat"?]

B (2:13:09 AM): oh this is so unhealthy.

B (2:14:05 AM): I take it you're not going to sleep "early" today then

C (2:14:27 AM): "early" is such a relative term....

B (2:20:38 AM): tracie potochnik looks like that girl from serra.

B (2:20:42 AM): i forget her name.

C (2:21:45 AM): oh yeah, that one. i don't remember her name either.

B (2:24:24 AM): oh. i thought that picture on beatthegeeks was him. but no, its the host. oops.

B (2:24:34 AM): he kind of looks like the host.

C (2:25:15 AM): the guy in the blue suit?

B (2:25:33 AM): si.

C (2:26:10 AM): oh scary. they do look the same. except, i can't really tell from all those horrendous pictures what djb really looks like

B (2:26:51 AM): i wouldnt even care. he's too funny (and GAY) for me to care.

B (2:27:11 AM): i would probably just poke my eyes out if he were really cute.

C (3:24:24 AM): djb on hair: I just don't dig no outer coating on my man.


it's like a slap in the face, the gayness.

B (3:24:35 AM): hahahahahahahah.

B (3:24:54 AM): I think I have never been more frustrated at a man being gay.

B (3:24:59 AM): maybe Danny from Real World.

B (3:25:03 AM): but he wasn't funny, just incredibly hot.

C (3:25:31 AM): oh dear god...if we could put djb's funny into danny's body...and then extracted the gayness...

C (3:25:43 AM): oh look. they're both dannys!

B (3:25:45 AM): extract the gayness.

B (3:25:49 AM): as if it were a procedure.

C (3:26:01 AM): maybe we could bottle the extract...essence of gayness

B (3:26:28 AM): and spray it on guys we no longer want preying on the heterosexual female population.

C (3:26:57 AM): like dan ******! except he seems to be immune, since he's already drowning in eau de gay.

B (3:28:02 AM): eau de gay.

B (3:28:09 AM): that is my new favorite phrase.

B (3:28:31 AM): to say to lame boys. excuse me, would you do me the favor of drowning in a pool of eau de gay.

B (3:30:27 AM): I wonder if djb is flaming

C (3:31:11 AM): most likely

B (3:31:41 AM): i feel like the women who write for twop are also like flaming gay men

C (3:32:06 AM): i bet they're all fag hags

B (3:32:30 AM): and who can blame them.

C (3:33:17 AM): come to think of it, i used to be ****'s fag hag

B (3:33:28 AM): is he funny?

C (3:33:38 AM): in a totally flaming way, yes

C (3:34:38 AM): ooh...if we can't have djb, i want **** to have him! oh wait. i keep forgetting, i don't actually know djb.

B (3:35:23 AM): which returns me to my earlier plea. EMAIL HIM!

C (3:36:17 AM): dear djb: i would like to bottle your gayness for my new perfume line, eau de gay. if you could kindly extract all of the homosexuality from your body and send it to me post haste, i would greatly appreciate it. xoxo, candace.

B (3:36:43 AM): YES!!!

B (3:36:44 AM): send just that.

B (3:36:48 AM): i think he would find it amusing.

C (3:37:08 AM): i think we should send him the transcript of our entire conversation

B (3:37:39 AM): that is definitely in order.

B (3:45:15 AM): are you doing it!?

C (3:45:24 AM): perhaps.

B (3:45:38 AM): ha! HI DANIEL J BLAU! I LOVE YOU!

C (3:45:55 AM): ahahahahhahaha

C (3:46:17 AM): does this make us seem psycho?

B (3:47:06 AM): I'm the wrong person to ask.

posted by Dr. Nowhere 5/12/2003 05:22:00 PM

How exciting: a test that tells you where in Hell you'll end up. Yes. Literally. Hell. The place, not the figure of speech.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Third Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

The first time I took this I ended up in Level 5, so I'm assuming this means I'm equal parts wrathful/gloomy and gluttonous. Weee!!

posted by Dr. Nowhere 5/12/2003 04:47:00 PM

Things College Students Do When They Are Bored

posted by Dr. Nowhere 5/08/2003 05:49:00 PM

From a CNN article on the recent misguided Soyuz landing: Eleven years before that, two cosmonauts overshot their touchdown site by 2,000 miles and found themselves deep in a forest with hungry wolves. That's when Russian space officials decided to pack a sawed-off shotgun aboard every spacecraft.

Maybe it's just the phrasing of that statement, but it immediately reminded me of that scene in Armageddon when the Americans are dinking around with some high tech tools trying to fix some broken panel, and the Russian cosmonaut just bashes the thing in with a wrench or something and says, "This is how we fix things on Russian space station!" This article just totally perpetuated the stereotype of the Russian space program being a seat-of-the-pants, held-together-with-glue kind of operation. In the movie it came across as this cool, adventurous, Han Solo space cowboy kind of attitude (and it totally cracked my shit up), but if it were me up there, I think I'd much prefer the cold, scientific accuracy that gets us safely home as opposed to fighting off ravenous wild animals with my sawed-off shotgun.

posted by Dr. Nowhere 5/08/2003 04:53:00 PM